On Marriage.

I've grown to realize that nothing in this world is certain - not even yourself. We live in an ever changing world in which we, as people, need to adapt. It’s a world
- where nothing is set in stone
- where people we trust, do us wrong
- where we allow our fragile hearts to make lifetime decisions

Nothing goes as planned. The ever changing nature of people and the environment is the reason why I don't believe in the absolute "one" for me.

It has been my quest to find what marriage means to me since my breakup. There were two main reasons why I broke it off. One, because we didn't progress together on the communication aspect of our relationship (which had to be the first thing I wrote on my "next relationship list"). And it's not to say that this aspect is not "workable" because I know damn well that it is.

The second reason was the critical reason. There was no way I was going to move forward not knowing the significance of marriage and what it meant in my life. Not surprisingly however, I was supposed to be next in line for this exciting experience.

I've observed and seen so few "happy marriages" so far that it scares me deep inside. Because of the ever changing nature of life I strongly believe that a huge part of marriage is the Ultimate Leap of Faith. Looking back, it was actually the second thing I wrote when I created my “next relationship list”. I am looking for someone who holds the ability to encourage me towards the path in which I am passionate about but am afraid to pursue. Embedded within this leap of faith is the underlying notion that the person I trust will guide me to the right direction.

Wow...who knew that the pieces would so clearly come together for me as I pop and nibble on sunflower seeds with a pirate eye patch over my left eye?

Then comes the commitment. A commitment in itself is a goal...a promise to yourself. However, when another person is involved, such as a step towards marriage, it requires more than just a commitment on each end. It needs that everlasting belief that even when things go so unbelievably wrong, you will be there not just for yourself, but for one another. This is what I call loyalty which coincidentally enough was the third and last item on my list.

When I ask people "How do you know someone is the one for you?" I've heard:
- The person whose pros are great and whose cons you can deal with
- The person who passes the 80/20 or 90/10 acceptance rule (because no one is perfect)
- The person who makes you smile
- The person who makes you a better person
- And the most popular...You just know.

These are all legitamate answers and should be considered. In my earlier blog titled "But..." I mentioned that it's completely fine to just be 'okay' with something, but if you rather admire and enjoy the person and the journey you're about to endeavor, the key is you have to WANT him/her. You have to WANT what s/he has, and s/he has to WANT what you have. For me, it's that person who genuinely wants you as their lifetime partner during the same time you want him as yours.

I'm glad I've moved forward in learning what it means to me. Marriage begins with that ultimate leap of faith (trust) that is continued and carried through with open communication and everlasting loyalty.