Let me love you (he solemnly asks)...
How strange is it that you only let the person who you want to love you, love you.
How is it that a person "loves you" but you just don't feel it?
The human mind is an amazing thing in that whatever it is looking for, it tends to find.
So...
If I'm looking for annoyance, I'll certainly find him annoying - even if he brings me dozens of flowers every year on my birthday.
If I'm looking for someone that loves me, I'll find his every gesture as a sign of affection. - even if he didn't mean for it to be.. !
Now, if you're looking for a person to love...look no more, s/he's right there, just in front of you.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
It is without sacrifice..
Many guys complain that love shouldn't be this hard. Some girls argue that guys always want a challenge. Where's the disconnect?
Must I sacrifice yoga time to stay in and watch T.V. with you? Must you sacrifice time with your T.V. to come shopping with me?
If we're going to be together, we must be pals. Pals do not require tricky mind games and is defintiely an individual worth pursuing. Good friends find ways to meet in the middle. It would have been nice to hear "I'll drive you to Marshalls next week if you watch Sponge Bob with me this week!"
We capitalize on each others' strengths and we help improve one another with our shortfalls.
We shouldn't weigh each other down, but instead lift each other up.
We share each others' dreams without feeling like we're sacrificing a thing.
Must I sacrifice yoga time to stay in and watch T.V. with you? Must you sacrifice time with your T.V. to come shopping with me?
If we're going to be together, we must be pals. Pals do not require tricky mind games and is defintiely an individual worth pursuing. Good friends find ways to meet in the middle. It would have been nice to hear "I'll drive you to Marshalls next week if you watch Sponge Bob with me this week!"
We capitalize on each others' strengths and we help improve one another with our shortfalls.
We shouldn't weigh each other down, but instead lift each other up.
We share each others' dreams without feeling like we're sacrificing a thing.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
If actions speak louder than words..
then do we still have to say "I love you" ?
Some will say it and never show it...while
Others will show it and never say it...
Another will show it, say it and then stop showing it...
A handful will never show it until they say it...
And then there are those who neither say it nor show it until its too late...
But I do show him...
I welcome him with open arms. I desire to kiss him. I intently listen to him speak. I am respectful and understanding towards him. I'm here and will be here for him when he needs me.
If actions speak louder than words, is there something wrong if I haven't found the moment to say it?
LouIevoY
Louievoy is I love you, scrambled.
What does it mean when someone says I love you? It could mean a whole lot of things.
To me, love is my caring action and who I choose to love is up to me.
Love shouldn't be what I feel as a result of someone's actions. Don't you think? What if he no longer tells me I'm beautiful? I don't want to feel sad as a result and because of it, stop loving him back.
Instead,
I want to *feel beautiful* the moment he tells me I'm beautiful.
I want to *feel happy* when he surprises me and picks me up from work.
I want to *feel appreciated* when he gives me a massage after a dreadful day.
I want to *feel special* when he comes to my office with a warm cup of lemon honey drink because I was feeling sick.
I don't want to feel loved by him just because he does things for me.
Love is what I do and am willing to do for you. I can love you and you may not love me back.
Like a spectrum sometimes I love you more and sometimes I love you less - that's why it's so difficult to measure.
And sometimes I have the time to love you, and sometimes I don't.
Overall, if I will do something for you without expecting anything in return, it means I love you.
True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be.
And...who you choose to love is solely up to you.
I love you not because of how you make me feel.
I love you because of who you are.
What does it mean when someone says I love you? It could mean a whole lot of things.
To me, love is my caring action and who I choose to love is up to me.
Love shouldn't be what I feel as a result of someone's actions. Don't you think? What if he no longer tells me I'm beautiful? I don't want to feel sad as a result and because of it, stop loving him back.
Instead,
I want to *feel beautiful* the moment he tells me I'm beautiful.
I want to *feel happy* when he surprises me and picks me up from work.
I want to *feel appreciated* when he gives me a massage after a dreadful day.
I want to *feel special* when he comes to my office with a warm cup of lemon honey drink because I was feeling sick.
I don't want to feel loved by him just because he does things for me.
Love is what I do and am willing to do for you. I can love you and you may not love me back.
Like a spectrum sometimes I love you more and sometimes I love you less - that's why it's so difficult to measure.
And sometimes I have the time to love you, and sometimes I don't.
Overall, if I will do something for you without expecting anything in return, it means I love you.
True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be.
And...who you choose to love is solely up to you.
I love you not because of how you make me feel.
I love you because of who you are.
Monday, December 8, 2008
InfLove...
So here I am trying to distinguish the difference between Infatuation and Love.
Dictionary.com defines infatuation as a foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion.
Love on the otherhand had 22 definitions, one of which is: to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
In both instances, passion exists. So what makes one foolish and unreasoning over the other?
To continue with their similarities, I think both infatuation and love can be temporary / short lived. Infatuation after a while can turn into obsession and love can also turn dry. In hindsight it's 20/20 but at that specific point in time however, it is not as clear.
Maybe the distinguishing difference is the satisfying benefit it brings to the person. If it is satisfying for selfish reasons, then it must be infatuation. It is selfish when you do things to others to satisfy your own uncertainties, lust etc. However, if actions are bestowed for the benefit of the other, then it is love.
Another distinguishing difference is the dimension in which the person is viewed. With infatuation it is satisfying to see the other person at its surface. Whereas with love, it is pleasing to know the person in depth.
I can see that everyone is born with a selfish nature therefore I'm not sure why infatuation carries such a negative connotation.
If every person is capable of infatuation and love, then...wouldn't you want to be inflove?
Dictionary.com defines infatuation as a foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion.
Love on the otherhand had 22 definitions, one of which is: to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
In both instances, passion exists. So what makes one foolish and unreasoning over the other?
To continue with their similarities, I think both infatuation and love can be temporary / short lived. Infatuation after a while can turn into obsession and love can also turn dry. In hindsight it's 20/20 but at that specific point in time however, it is not as clear.
Maybe the distinguishing difference is the satisfying benefit it brings to the person. If it is satisfying for selfish reasons, then it must be infatuation. It is selfish when you do things to others to satisfy your own uncertainties, lust etc. However, if actions are bestowed for the benefit of the other, then it is love.
Another distinguishing difference is the dimension in which the person is viewed. With infatuation it is satisfying to see the other person at its surface. Whereas with love, it is pleasing to know the person in depth.
I can see that everyone is born with a selfish nature therefore I'm not sure why infatuation carries such a negative connotation.
If every person is capable of infatuation and love, then...wouldn't you want to be inflove?
Friday, December 5, 2008
On Marriage.
I've grown to realize that nothing in this world is certain - not even yourself. We live in an ever changing world in which we, as people, need to adapt. It’s a world
- where nothing is set in stone
- where people we trust, do us wrong
- where we allow our fragile hearts to make lifetime decisions
Nothing goes as planned. The ever changing nature of people and the environment is the reason why I don't believe in the absolute "one" for me.
It has been my quest to find what marriage means to me since my breakup. There were two main reasons why I broke it off. One, because we didn't progress together on the communication aspect of our relationship (which had to be the first thing I wrote on my "next relationship list"). And it's not to say that this aspect is not "workable" because I know damn well that it is.
The second reason was the critical reason. There was no way I was going to move forward not knowing the significance of marriage and what it meant in my life. Not surprisingly however, I was supposed to be next in line for this exciting experience.
I've observed and seen so few "happy marriages" so far that it scares me deep inside. Because of the ever changing nature of life I strongly believe that a huge part of marriage is the Ultimate Leap of Faith. Looking back, it was actually the second thing I wrote when I created my “next relationship list”. I am looking for someone who holds the ability to encourage me towards the path in which I am passionate about but am afraid to pursue. Embedded within this leap of faith is the underlying notion that the person I trust will guide me to the right direction.
Wow...who knew that the pieces would so clearly come together for me as I pop and nibble on sunflower seeds with a pirate eye patch over my left eye?
Then comes the commitment. A commitment in itself is a goal...a promise to yourself. However, when another person is involved, such as a step towards marriage, it requires more than just a commitment on each end. It needs that everlasting belief that even when things go so unbelievably wrong, you will be there not just for yourself, but for one another. This is what I call loyalty which coincidentally enough was the third and last item on my list.
When I ask people "How do you know someone is the one for you?" I've heard:
- The person whose pros are great and whose cons you can deal with
- The person who passes the 80/20 or 90/10 acceptance rule (because no one is perfect)
- The person who makes you smile
- The person who makes you a better person
- And the most popular...You just know.
These are all legitamate answers and should be considered. In my earlier blog titled "But..." I mentioned that it's completely fine to just be 'okay' with something, but if you rather admire and enjoy the person and the journey you're about to endeavor, the key is you have to WANT him/her. You have to WANT what s/he has, and s/he has to WANT what you have. For me, it's that person who genuinely wants you as their lifetime partner during the same time you want him as yours.
I'm glad I've moved forward in learning what it means to me. Marriage begins with that ultimate leap of faith (trust) that is continued and carried through with open communication and everlasting loyalty.
- where nothing is set in stone
- where people we trust, do us wrong
- where we allow our fragile hearts to make lifetime decisions
Nothing goes as planned. The ever changing nature of people and the environment is the reason why I don't believe in the absolute "one" for me.
It has been my quest to find what marriage means to me since my breakup. There were two main reasons why I broke it off. One, because we didn't progress together on the communication aspect of our relationship (which had to be the first thing I wrote on my "next relationship list"). And it's not to say that this aspect is not "workable" because I know damn well that it is.
The second reason was the critical reason. There was no way I was going to move forward not knowing the significance of marriage and what it meant in my life. Not surprisingly however, I was supposed to be next in line for this exciting experience.
I've observed and seen so few "happy marriages" so far that it scares me deep inside. Because of the ever changing nature of life I strongly believe that a huge part of marriage is the Ultimate Leap of Faith. Looking back, it was actually the second thing I wrote when I created my “next relationship list”. I am looking for someone who holds the ability to encourage me towards the path in which I am passionate about but am afraid to pursue. Embedded within this leap of faith is the underlying notion that the person I trust will guide me to the right direction.
Wow...who knew that the pieces would so clearly come together for me as I pop and nibble on sunflower seeds with a pirate eye patch over my left eye?
Then comes the commitment. A commitment in itself is a goal...a promise to yourself. However, when another person is involved, such as a step towards marriage, it requires more than just a commitment on each end. It needs that everlasting belief that even when things go so unbelievably wrong, you will be there not just for yourself, but for one another. This is what I call loyalty which coincidentally enough was the third and last item on my list.
When I ask people "How do you know someone is the one for you?" I've heard:
- The person whose pros are great and whose cons you can deal with
- The person who passes the 80/20 or 90/10 acceptance rule (because no one is perfect)
- The person who makes you smile
- The person who makes you a better person
- And the most popular...You just know.
These are all legitamate answers and should be considered. In my earlier blog titled "But..." I mentioned that it's completely fine to just be 'okay' with something, but if you rather admire and enjoy the person and the journey you're about to endeavor, the key is you have to WANT him/her. You have to WANT what s/he has, and s/he has to WANT what you have. For me, it's that person who genuinely wants you as their lifetime partner during the same time you want him as yours.
I'm glad I've moved forward in learning what it means to me. Marriage begins with that ultimate leap of faith (trust) that is continued and carried through with open communication and everlasting loyalty.
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