Holding hands...

I was at a karaoke bar singing, laughing, enjoying good times...when suddenly I froze. For a half a second everything in my world paused: my mind, my heart, my breath.

Though the gentle touch was warm and casual, something else about it felt strange. I realized that he had reached out to take hold of my hand. It felt unnatural because externally holding hands felt normal, but internally there was a struggle - a pull in the opposite direction. Was I supposed to let go? Do I say "I'm sorry I can't?"

Later, I asked my sister and my friends for advice. Because I've been dating for a few months now, I have locked hands with multiple people and it felt strange...an uneasy feeling that I had trouble expressing. I am also uncomfortable with saying "No." What do I say? How do I say it? And who do I say it to? I'm glad they reminded me that holding hands is much like kissing. One should reserve these physical gestures for someone truly special to you and with whom you are ready to be with.

I'm not as confused as I was a few weeks ago because I am now clear from people holding my hand...I've been lucky enough to have people 'understand' my situation and respect my space, perception and decisions. I couldn't ask for anything more. This way is much better though - holding my own hand through the dating road map - at least for now.