In memory of Popo

Life has its fair share of happiness and sadness.

Today is Tuesday. We just finished a leisurely bike ride in the national wild life refuge, in VA when I received the news of my grandma's passing.

I was taken by surprise when my sister told me over the phone. I was the first one in the car to know and I quickly took a glance at my mom who was next to me. My mom was half asleep and somewhat dazed that I decided to wait until after the car ride to tell my mom. She was already aware of Popo's weak condition. Popo has been in the emergency room a few times this past year. More recently, losing memory of family members' names. Yet, last week when we saw her in the hospital bed, she was cheerful and smiling (even without teeth).

Popo was an enduring mother and wife. She was once in love and a run-away bride. She had at least 9 children whom she physically raised by herself. Because of her large family, she learned to master the art of saving. Even in her 80's, she continued to save coins, loose buttons, short threads and even used tape. Her skin was always soft and tender and her eyes were faded blue. Aside from her physical beauty, Popo had a beautiful giving heart. She helped raise us (her grandchildren) and gave us the opportunity to be here today. With her savings 20 years ago, she purchased plane tickets for my family to settle in the states. For many years, she helped form our adolescent behavior by keeping her watchful eyes from across the street. She also had a great sense of humor as she teased each of us about marriage in her own meaningful way. Popo was loving and kind hearted. This summer will be the first i will miss seeing Popo in her favorite basement step stoop.

I went downstairs to tell my mom. As i slowly walked into the bedroom, she seemed to have heard the news. I heard my mom weeping. Somewhat relieved from being the bearer of bad news, I kept my eyes on the bathroom floor as I walked over to sit beside my mom. My heart instantly ached when I felt my mom cry. I hugged her from her side as we shared tears at the edge of the tub. Popo's life just passed. One second here and gone the next.

Popo's passing got me thinking, What is the life cycle all about?
What is it like to be a child who grows into a grandparent?

Many of us want to make an impact in this world. We should start with the family that surrounds us.
Though I am not a life expert, i know impact takes years to build and we each have contributions to make through our life cycle.
Babies and children provide the laughter and happiness we experience.
Adolecents and teens teach us lifetime tools such as patience.
Adults and parents contribute undivided love, continuous care, and unyielding support.
And grandparents like Popo, they offer all of life's vision and their wisdom.

Although life is full of happy moments, it sure carries its fair share of sad and sadder. One day, I know it will be my turn. I will be the one to listen to the bad news...then the last day will come when I will become part of the news. We all will at some point, hopefully after our contributions to this world are made.

Thank you Popo for sharing your life vision and wisdom. May you continue to shine your sweet smile from above.

The Heart and The Mind..

When it comes to love and relationships, we all have our fair share of confusion.

My friends tell me to follow my heart, yet my parents remind me to use my brain.
My mind says no, but my heart says yes.

Others may find themselves in a forced situation where their heart resists, but the mind must submit.

On a larger scale, what's the use of a Mindless Heart? And what's worse than one with a Heartless Mind?

In this day and age, we are confused about who and what to follow. But instinctively, we know that we must live in unity, in harmony and in peace with ourselves.

Let not your mind be separated with your heart. Find a way to stitch them closer, glue them together...because after all, where the heart and the mind goes, your soul will follow.

In the end, may you be blessed with self unity, but also with a companion whose heart and mind is in union with yours.

To teach is to love..

I come from a family of teachers/tutors who devote their time and effort to instruct math, sciences, reading, writing, language, and even discipline. Since 5, I've always desired to be a school teacher as well. I wrote on chalk boards, wore high heels and even broke the TV antenna for use to point to my imaginary students. Since 12, I tutored children and peers on subject matters where I excelled. Here I am, today as an accountant missing the feeling I got when I used to teach.

Early last year I started my search to teach yoga. I ran around Manhattan trying different studios, spoke and met with a few advisors, and finally this year decided that I was going to go for it. Expensive? Yes. However, the hardest part was not the $4K tuition but the strict time commitment and scheduling it entailed.
I will begin my training next week and I'm ready. What am I ready for? I'm ready to learn and just experience....to open my heart physically and spiritually.

I've practiced on and off for about 5 years and now I'm ready to take yoga to the next level. I have expectations for myself. After taking my first "master yoga class" last week, I was intimidated. The yogis there were at least 5 times stronger and more flexible than I currently am. They were doing incredible back bends and hand stands! Though I was intimidated, I was also instantly mesmerized... I expect this yoga training to be intensely challenging and I'm loving it already. The thing is though, I gave myself a lot of physical goals this year which I am excited to pursue. But I soon also realize that my spiritual goals should also take a front row seat. I want to love more...I need to love more...

What's become my definition of love? After reading "The Road Less Traveled"...the definition of love is the extension of myself for the spiritual growth of another or myself...

So, teaching will be a form of my love...we'll see where this takes me...

Gone.

Time...
Words...
Opportunity.

Are the 3 things in life they say that once gone, never come back.

On Time- This year, I didn't waste any time. I committed myself to the triathlon sport and trained hard. I devoted myself to learn to swim. I took up the enjoyment of Salsa dancing and even performed in front of friends and family. I learned the art of Thai Yoga Massage and received as well as gave the flow of energy and metta (love). Though time has gone passed me, I've done all this with something to gain in the end. New skill sets, simple enjoyment, sweet friendships and great memories. My time has gone and I didn't waste any of it.

On Words - When I said I would, I did. Meet you for lunch? I'm there!
Swim a mile everyday before my race. Done!
Get Lean. Check! Looking back on My 2009 list, I told myself I would document life, be funnier, eat healthier, and...what was the last one? Oh yes, LOVE MORE...(I had to look back at that one).

I'm glad to have had the means to fulfill my years' desire. Next year is another one to accomplish and I'm ready to place my words on it. So, say what you mean, but more importantly, mean what you say.

On Opportunity - I feel like I missed a couple this year. I took too long to think it through and with unemployment to deal with, I was hesitant to spend. I missed the opportunity to watch my friend make her lifetime commitment in Nicaragua. And because many friends had gotten married this year, I had to give up attending one over the other. I missed my October aim to become a certified yoga instructor. At least missing that opportunity leaves me things to do for 2010.

Once gone, they never come back...are time, words and opportunity.

Mindset.

Gregg Cook - Equinox fitness instructor

I've heard great things about him through Equinox friends and, coincidentally over the summer had found a book called "Mindset" that belong to him. I read a bit of "Mindset" and it states that there are two distinct types of people - ones with a "fixed mindset" and the other with a growth mindset. People with a fixed mindset hold themselves back. They lend themselves a reason and and say: but this is the way I am...

Today I took Cook's afternoon TerraCycle class for the first time. I tried to book my bike online as soon as I settled in the office this morning, but it was already filled. Booo... Six spots usually available for front desk sign up - and that was also already filled 30 minutes prior to class. I'll try my luck anyway. I walked into the cycling studio and the room was filled with a variety of people with different shapes, sizes, and level of fitness - all with one goal - which is the intention to finish this class.

Anymore available bikes back there? - Cook asked
Nope - someone answered.
Ahhh shux....
I was disappointed, about to leave the room.

Then Mr. Cook - sweaty, with veins popping out of his fully shaved head, got off his stationary bike and offered it to me.
How awesome! =D I no longer had to wait another week to get into his class.

His session began with a difficult 9 minute climb. During his class he paced the room, watching each of us individually and our efforts. He motivated us, "keep it rolling to the tempo!" "All I can do is motivate you...but only YOU can decide how much you put into it."

He must have remembered I returned his lost book this summer because in the middle of class, he stood in front of my bike (well really it was his bike) and said "Get to a point where you feel you can't give anymore. Give it all you've got! Change that "mindset!!!" Make it difficult for you!!!" My heart was beating out of my chest and I was struggling for air. I was scared to get there - where I give so much my heart may just stop pumping. After that hour of class, I walked out of the room with my skin drenched from head to toe and luckily, my heart continued to pump. "Great job" he told me at least three times in class.

Most of us imagine our "goal" first and try to force our ways into habits that allow us to accomplish that goal... Soon after though, we realize we're stuck in a rut, tricking ourselves to believe that we are not able to do something because we say "this is the way I am."

But once you change the way you think about the underlying, all choices surrounding that aspect changes rather quickly and even naturally without force. I was never a "gym person" - has now become "I'm addicted to the gym." After getting my free month trial to Equinox in the beginning of this year, I suddenly enjoyed the benefits of working out. Now, my gym attendance is no longer a fitness regimen, but has become my lifestyle.

Let's remind ourselves to keep a growth mindset, because you're right, when there is a desire for change, this is NOT who I am.

Waiting...

Waiting.

One of the most frustrating part of life is waiting. Would you agree? I don't know anybody who likes to wait.

Waiting for another flight
Waiting for someone to move their ass
Waiting for ice cream

Is dreadful. It is not fun. Even with the happiest moments to come it is common to say "I cannot wait." The thought, anxiety and anticipation scrambled together drive me nuts. It is frustrating because it's something out of my control - left in the hands of another.

I am angry as I sit here in the HK airport having to wait 8 hours for the next flight to NY. I missed my 5:25 p.m. flight. I almost cried from frustration when the Cathay Pacific attendant said he tried his best to help. BULL. Helping does not mean to book us the next available flight nor does it help to put a priority sticker on my luggage. Saying I'm sorry 37 times with his high pitched voice does not help either. Actually I wanted to take his spikey Asian hair and pull it down hard to the conveyor belt, knock his teeth out so he could not say I'm sorry for the 38th time. We were 5 minutes late for check-in and what would have helped is if he had shut up from the beginning and quickly escorted us to where we needed to be. If security wouldn't let us through, then I know he did all that he could to help. Instead, I am stuck here waiting 8 hours for another flight.

I'm sure I've had others wait on me before and for that I can either say thank you or I'm sorry. For sure, I would not do so intentionally. My dear KC attended my first Salsa recital last week. He was on time as usual and secured a spot dead center of the dance floor to record my performance. The video turned out great, incomparable to any others I've seen. After the performances, KC waited for me as I had to clean up, thank my dance instructor and say my good-byes. After 5 long hours, he was tired and upset. It was late. I should've asked him to go home, instead he waited for me.

On a separate situation, my friend is currently experiencing a difficult break-up. I feel for her. It's obvious he totally digs her. The relationship ends because of differences in immediate goals. While her's is set, he needs to focus on setting and executing his career goals without distractions. Though there are prospects of them getting back together in the future, now, she's stuck to wait for what's next.

There are three things in life that once gone, never come back. They are
Time...
Words...and
Opportunity.

After writing this blog at the airport, I actually feel a sense of release as well as a sense of accomplishment. Don't waste our time, don't waste our words and certainly don't waste an opportunity. Maybe the secret ingredient here is productivity. Though having to wait may not be part of our control, our productivity is in our hands. If there's something I can suggest to myself if I happen to find myself waiting, it would be

Don't wait.
Do something! =)

Race Report - Triathlon #3 - NYC

Two weeks before my first Olympic distance race, I committed to swim a mile M-F in the pool, and I did. After counting the cumulative miles I've swam, I was now confident about the NYC Tri. Or was I? Because when I jumped into the Hudson for the Riverside Tune Up swim just a week prior to the race, I failed. From land I watched the currents push the first wave of swimmers downstream and I didn't see any participants make it around that first orange buoy like we were supposed to. I, got swept by the strong unwaivering current that the next thing I knew my body hit algea-covered wood pilings. My mouth opened while my eyes widened as I watched others struggled as I did. They hung tightly from a rope, trying hard not to get swept down by the current. I failed because I back stroked the whole damn way and hung on two separate boats to catch my breath. Though I was not DFL (Dead F**king Last), I think I was the runner up. =P

The night before the race, the memory of being afraid of that Hudson made me shed a tear. I couldn't sleep with the thought of backstroking the mile and watching the next waves of swimmers attack the water over me. It was raining during race day. Half of me wished the swim part would be cancelled but the other part of me knew the race wouldn't be the same without the swim. KC awoke extra early and drove me to Transition in the dark. I stood there and wiped off my bike seat while it rained. I was doing anything to keep my mind off my fear of the Hudson. I was afraid hoping endlessly to freeze time.

I knew my family was around somewhere. I was uneasy being alone. I was searching but no familiar faces, not even in my swim wave with the bright green cap to distract me. Then to my surprise, "Joy!" someone hollered. It was my friend Dennis who after partying all night and through the morning decided to pop in just before my swim start at
7:57 a.m. My fears were calmed as I asked him to watch over me along side the Hudson. This time, our swim route was much closer to shore. Countless kayakers guarded the route and the current looked like was something I could handle. We formed our lines. HORNNNN! I slipped myself into that dark body of water and off I went in my own steady pace. My goal was not to get my best time as I have been training for these past weeks, but to be as close to the kayakers as possible in case of an emergency. It turned out to be a comfortable swim as I can hear conversations happening along the shore on my left side and can clearly see the faces of the kayakers on my right. I watched others back stroke, breast stroke; I'm glad I did neither. I came out of the water so relaxed and clocked in at 23:22 minutes. My best mile while training in the pool (without the benefits of the current) was 24 minutes. I can only imagine how fast I could've came out of the Hudson if only I wasn't afraid.

The 40K bike ride was cool. Seeing some elite athletes zoom pass you is inspiring. I finished 25 miles in 1:31 hours, passing a few men along the way. =P

Aside from all the fear, the NYC Tri was an absolutely fun race. If you ever want to grow a full beard in just a few minutes, swim in The Hudson River! I was extremely nervous the week leading up to the event but time does not stop for anyone, and before I knew it, I finished it!!!!!! In 3:05 hours, it felt amazing crossing that finish line.