Mindset.

Gregg Cook - Equinox fitness instructor

I've heard great things about him through Equinox friends and, coincidentally over the summer had found a book called "Mindset" that belong to him. I read a bit of "Mindset" and it states that there are two distinct types of people - ones with a "fixed mindset" and the other with a growth mindset. People with a fixed mindset hold themselves back. They lend themselves a reason and and say: but this is the way I am...

Today I took Cook's afternoon TerraCycle class for the first time. I tried to book my bike online as soon as I settled in the office this morning, but it was already filled. Booo... Six spots usually available for front desk sign up - and that was also already filled 30 minutes prior to class. I'll try my luck anyway. I walked into the cycling studio and the room was filled with a variety of people with different shapes, sizes, and level of fitness - all with one goal - which is the intention to finish this class.

Anymore available bikes back there? - Cook asked
Nope - someone answered.
Ahhh shux....
I was disappointed, about to leave the room.

Then Mr. Cook - sweaty, with veins popping out of his fully shaved head, got off his stationary bike and offered it to me.
How awesome! =D I no longer had to wait another week to get into his class.

His session began with a difficult 9 minute climb. During his class he paced the room, watching each of us individually and our efforts. He motivated us, "keep it rolling to the tempo!" "All I can do is motivate you...but only YOU can decide how much you put into it."

He must have remembered I returned his lost book this summer because in the middle of class, he stood in front of my bike (well really it was his bike) and said "Get to a point where you feel you can't give anymore. Give it all you've got! Change that "mindset!!!" Make it difficult for you!!!" My heart was beating out of my chest and I was struggling for air. I was scared to get there - where I give so much my heart may just stop pumping. After that hour of class, I walked out of the room with my skin drenched from head to toe and luckily, my heart continued to pump. "Great job" he told me at least three times in class.

Most of us imagine our "goal" first and try to force our ways into habits that allow us to accomplish that goal... Soon after though, we realize we're stuck in a rut, tricking ourselves to believe that we are not able to do something because we say "this is the way I am."

But once you change the way you think about the underlying, all choices surrounding that aspect changes rather quickly and even naturally without force. I was never a "gym person" - has now become "I'm addicted to the gym." After getting my free month trial to Equinox in the beginning of this year, I suddenly enjoyed the benefits of working out. Now, my gym attendance is no longer a fitness regimen, but has become my lifestyle.

Let's remind ourselves to keep a growth mindset, because you're right, when there is a desire for change, this is NOT who I am.

Waiting...

Waiting.

One of the most frustrating part of life is waiting. Would you agree? I don't know anybody who likes to wait.

Waiting for another flight
Waiting for someone to move their ass
Waiting for ice cream

Is dreadful. It is not fun. Even with the happiest moments to come it is common to say "I cannot wait." The thought, anxiety and anticipation scrambled together drive me nuts. It is frustrating because it's something out of my control - left in the hands of another.

I am angry as I sit here in the HK airport having to wait 8 hours for the next flight to NY. I missed my 5:25 p.m. flight. I almost cried from frustration when the Cathay Pacific attendant said he tried his best to help. BULL. Helping does not mean to book us the next available flight nor does it help to put a priority sticker on my luggage. Saying I'm sorry 37 times with his high pitched voice does not help either. Actually I wanted to take his spikey Asian hair and pull it down hard to the conveyor belt, knock his teeth out so he could not say I'm sorry for the 38th time. We were 5 minutes late for check-in and what would have helped is if he had shut up from the beginning and quickly escorted us to where we needed to be. If security wouldn't let us through, then I know he did all that he could to help. Instead, I am stuck here waiting 8 hours for another flight.

I'm sure I've had others wait on me before and for that I can either say thank you or I'm sorry. For sure, I would not do so intentionally. My dear KC attended my first Salsa recital last week. He was on time as usual and secured a spot dead center of the dance floor to record my performance. The video turned out great, incomparable to any others I've seen. After the performances, KC waited for me as I had to clean up, thank my dance instructor and say my good-byes. After 5 long hours, he was tired and upset. It was late. I should've asked him to go home, instead he waited for me.

On a separate situation, my friend is currently experiencing a difficult break-up. I feel for her. It's obvious he totally digs her. The relationship ends because of differences in immediate goals. While her's is set, he needs to focus on setting and executing his career goals without distractions. Though there are prospects of them getting back together in the future, now, she's stuck to wait for what's next.

There are three things in life that once gone, never come back. They are
Time...
Words...and
Opportunity.

After writing this blog at the airport, I actually feel a sense of release as well as a sense of accomplishment. Don't waste our time, don't waste our words and certainly don't waste an opportunity. Maybe the secret ingredient here is productivity. Though having to wait may not be part of our control, our productivity is in our hands. If there's something I can suggest to myself if I happen to find myself waiting, it would be

Don't wait.
Do something! =)

Race Report - Triathlon #3 - NYC

Two weeks before my first Olympic distance race, I committed to swim a mile M-F in the pool, and I did. After counting the cumulative miles I've swam, I was now confident about the NYC Tri. Or was I? Because when I jumped into the Hudson for the Riverside Tune Up swim just a week prior to the race, I failed. From land I watched the currents push the first wave of swimmers downstream and I didn't see any participants make it around that first orange buoy like we were supposed to. I, got swept by the strong unwaivering current that the next thing I knew my body hit algea-covered wood pilings. My mouth opened while my eyes widened as I watched others struggled as I did. They hung tightly from a rope, trying hard not to get swept down by the current. I failed because I back stroked the whole damn way and hung on two separate boats to catch my breath. Though I was not DFL (Dead F**king Last), I think I was the runner up. =P

The night before the race, the memory of being afraid of that Hudson made me shed a tear. I couldn't sleep with the thought of backstroking the mile and watching the next waves of swimmers attack the water over me. It was raining during race day. Half of me wished the swim part would be cancelled but the other part of me knew the race wouldn't be the same without the swim. KC awoke extra early and drove me to Transition in the dark. I stood there and wiped off my bike seat while it rained. I was doing anything to keep my mind off my fear of the Hudson. I was afraid hoping endlessly to freeze time.

I knew my family was around somewhere. I was uneasy being alone. I was searching but no familiar faces, not even in my swim wave with the bright green cap to distract me. Then to my surprise, "Joy!" someone hollered. It was my friend Dennis who after partying all night and through the morning decided to pop in just before my swim start at
7:57 a.m. My fears were calmed as I asked him to watch over me along side the Hudson. This time, our swim route was much closer to shore. Countless kayakers guarded the route and the current looked like was something I could handle. We formed our lines. HORNNNN! I slipped myself into that dark body of water and off I went in my own steady pace. My goal was not to get my best time as I have been training for these past weeks, but to be as close to the kayakers as possible in case of an emergency. It turned out to be a comfortable swim as I can hear conversations happening along the shore on my left side and can clearly see the faces of the kayakers on my right. I watched others back stroke, breast stroke; I'm glad I did neither. I came out of the water so relaxed and clocked in at 23:22 minutes. My best mile while training in the pool (without the benefits of the current) was 24 minutes. I can only imagine how fast I could've came out of the Hudson if only I wasn't afraid.

The 40K bike ride was cool. Seeing some elite athletes zoom pass you is inspiring. I finished 25 miles in 1:31 hours, passing a few men along the way. =P

Aside from all the fear, the NYC Tri was an absolutely fun race. If you ever want to grow a full beard in just a few minutes, swim in The Hudson River! I was extremely nervous the week leading up to the event but time does not stop for anyone, and before I knew it, I finished it!!!!!! In 3:05 hours, it felt amazing crossing that finish line.

Commitment to Swim..

Since my last race, I've been overthinking my ability in the water (particularly the open water) - or lack there of. I have to admit that the swim portion of my last race was scary. I hated it and during the swim thought about giving up and never doing a triathlon again. But here I am, scheduled to do the NYC Tri in just 17 days. I'll be doing a team open water swim in Coney Island this Sunday with Carlie and have signed up for the Riverbank Tune Up Swim next weekend. I need as much exposure to this as possible so I don't freak out again. I want to document my 1 mile swim commitment here, so I know how I progress.

1 mile = 32 laps in a 25 meter pool
07.06.09 - 45:00 minutes (rough estimate)
07.06.09 - 44:21 minutes (estimate)
07.07.09 - 40:00 minutes (estimate)
07.09.09 - 35:31 minutes (using stop watch) pretty cool - I need music to get me faster!

07.10.09 - 39:10 minutes (what the hell?!?!)

07.12.09 - 37:47 minutes (open water, Coney Island - this is a little less than a mile)

07.13.09 - 40:06 minutes

07.14.09 - 40:36 minutes (after running hill repeats at the park, not too shabby)

Race Report - Triathlon #2 - Philadelphia

This Philly Tri was an awakener. We drove south Friday night in the midst of heavy hail and thunderstorm. There was a split of interest in the car about the rainfall. Some of us joked and secretly hoped for a red light on the swim portion due to the rain - meaning the race officials would deem the water too contaminated to swim in. Meanwhile Konrad, our professional photographer hoped for rain so his sports portfolio would look intensly dramatic. We ate dinner in the car, and after about 3 hours we arrived around 9 pm. In the hotel room we pumped our tires, showered and slept at 11 pm. At 5 am we awoke ready to race - well sort of. As soon as we arrived the site we noticed that the lines for packet pick up were long and ridiculously disorganized. By the time I reached the front, it was 7:45, literally 15 minutes before the gun shot of my wave (Female 25-29). How was I going to set up transition, put on my chip, stick on my race labels, and squeeze into my wetsuit WHEN I CANT EVEN FIND MY TRANSITION SPOT at 7:48 am??? Marianne suddenly appears wet from her warm up swim and points towards my transition rack. "Joy aren't you supposed to be there?" I was totally out of it! As soon as Marianne said "I'll help you set up transition" she instantly became my superhero! I wanted to hug her so tight but instead I froze and was almost speechless but tremendously greatful. She helped me do EVERYTHING! - including pin up my race number, stick on my bike number - the whole shebang and even zipped me up and sent me off to swim start. Before I left I hugged her - she was literally my life saver! When I entered swim start Konrad was right in front of my face. I looked so excited and happy from the picture he took but deep hidden inside my tight wetsuit was my heart throbbing, wanting to jump out. I tried to ignore it by looking around. No familiar faces like my first triathlon - it felt empty. I was scared. I listened to the athletes around me talking about the swim course which was unbeleivably confusing even from reading the description and drawing out the route yesterday. I stepped in the water and suddenly it was about 10 ft deep. I freaked out and quickly swam back to the rock. I wasn't going to spend the 2 minutes that I had treading water. As soon as they honked the horn I went in - BIG MISTAKE JOY. This shot my heart rate up. Though I didn't wear my heart rate monitor, I knew my heart beat was too high to begin with. I encountered twigs and water bottles floating. I tried to find the sun to help calm me down, but the clouds were in the way. I noticed many fellow girls in the gold cap struggling as well. Some were breast stroking and a few others back stroking. Because I ate a large breakfast 30 minutes before my swim, I developed air pockets that made me regurgitate non-stop. It made it difficult to breathe and I had to stay afloat on my back. I swallowed some water and choked. Then I tried to tread water. Even before I hit the first marker, I already thought about waving my swim cap to the kayakers. I knew if I did that though, I would disappoint myself and my family who came to support me. I threw my face back into the water to freestyle but the continuous burps wouldn't allow me. Even the backstroke couldn't lower my heart rate. I started to notice a few swimmers in the green cap swim pass me. Crap! The next wave already caught up! When I hit the first bouy I grabbed onto it and rested. My leg got tangled on the rope. A man with the green cap also hung on the bouy with me for about 25 seconds. I didn't want to let go but as soon as the man left, I felt obligated to let go as well. It felt almost like a survival swim. Soon after, I started to feel the chip on my leg hanging loose. Uh oh. That's not good! I have no way of adjusting it unless I grab onto something. I tried not to kick as hard and when I saw a kayak, I grabbed on to fix it. I backstroked 95% of the swim and during no part of the swim did I feel comfortable. I can say that I honestly freaked out the whole way through and this morning the only thing sore in my body is my neck. Though it was a disappointing swim, I am glad I didn't give up - no matter how uncomfortable it felt. The half mile swim took me 29.40 minutes to complete.

After 3:57 minutes in Transition 1, I hopped on my bike. The ride was smooth. The sun peered through during this time. It was mainly flat and I enjoyed seeing familiar faces up and down the route. It had many narrow rounded turns where family and friends gathered to cheer us on. It may have been a little dangerous having so many riders make 180 degree turns though. After my good ole friend Dennis helped me install my new Cateye cycling computer the day before, I was able to maintain 90 cadence throughout most of my ride. This really helped me. I completed the bike route in 55:07 minutes averaging 16.3 mph.

In Transition 2, someone yelled "The one in blue, you have 30 secuonds to get out of transition!" This scared the crap out of me. Did I really take forever at that swim and bike that I'm THAT much behind??? I ran faster outta there and another man cheered "C'mon Number 3131!" This gave me a boost of energy. Transition 2 took me 2.31 minutes (could be faster Joy!). The run wasn't so bad, though it was hot. The sun burned my shoulders. Luckily I had a cap this time to help. I completed the run in 29:45 minutes, averaging 9.35 pace. Dinky - as it wasn't much of an improvement from my first race.

Race complete at 2:01:02.

My commitment from here is to swim at least a mile everyday until my next race. Unless you want to regurgetate, no eating before swim!!! The NYC Tri is in 17 days!!! Here I go!

Help is a precious gift.

Days have become a bit overwhelming and hectic since I started Triathlon training. And as a result, I've started to lose a few personal belongings. I lost my sister's matching bracelet, my Polar watch, and even my soft tissue pouch! =(. The most recent item I lost was one of my diamond stud earrings - that happened two weeks ago. I was immediately shocked and upset by it, but because my mom and dad was not (and even offered to buy a matching one in Hong Kong for me), I let it go. I decided to continue wearing the other earring just so it can remind me to keep searching for the missing one. Dumb idea? I didn't think so at the time.

Today, while. showering after my swim session, I felt my ear lobes and realized that the other diamond was gone. **ck I blurted. Joy how can you be so stupid??? I quickly rushed out of the warm steamy shower stall and jumped right back into the cold pool lane. I searched the lane with a man who offered his help. He said "Don't worry! As a kid I loved searching for things under the water. That comment whipped a smile to my face. We planted our eyes to the bottom of the pool four times over until I gave up. The pool staff Esfra Lopez put on his glasses to help me look from along side the pool. He suggested that I come back when everyone is out of the pool during lane change so the water is calm. That I did, and after observing the pool floor slowly and carefully, I noticed something by the deep end. Teddy (Mr. Japanese lifeguard, who later coached my flip turns), Lopez (the gentleman with the intelligent suggestions), and Peter (the security guard) were all hopeful for me. They brought out the long net to fish for what could be my earring, but none was found. I jumped in and attempted to search but I didn't know how to dive down underneath. Stranger #2 offers her help as she was able to hold enough air in and get down to the 9 ft deep end. After several tries, I thanked her. It was amazing to encounter so many people willing to help a stranger. Mr. Japanese lifeguard comes out holding something black and asked "Who's Speedo is this?" Obviously it didn't belong to him but he was willing to put it on to get into the pool! He grabbed clear goggles (which mine were dark and tinted - not for indoor use) and dove in. This man can hold his breath for super long! After his first dive, he came up out of the water with the back stopper of my earring. It was in two broken pieces. We then knew the other part of my earring shouldn't be far. He went down for the second time as I floated, I watched him search. It looked like slow motion but no more than 30 seconds later, he picked something off the pool floor. I froze for a second and watched Mr. Japanese Lifeguard come up for air. He showed me what was between his fingertips and indeed it was my diamond.

Help is a precious gift.
Lucky are those who get it without asking.
Successful are those who seek it.
Generous are those who give it.

Today, I thank all those who lent me their hand. =)

Flip Turns, Oh Yeah!

About four months ago I threw myself in the pool to learn how to swim. I went every morning and struggled. I kicked my own ass; I was frustrated... I complimented my efforts and became motivated... Last week, Jose Santana (the lifeguard at Chelsea) called me a "swimmer"... ?? WHAT?? I've got a loooong way to go, but one day I told myself, I will feel natural in the water.

Last week, during my first swim coaching I ended the session with 3 things to keep in mind:
1. High elbows
2. Relax your hands on the recovery and cup them on the pull
3. Extend your right arm

Today, I was reminded to swim with:
1. Elbows wide (because my arms tend to cross my body frame in a narrowing inefficient recovery)
2. Relaxed wrist and hands
3. Kick with strength

This morning, the lifeguard on duty mentioned to Coach Carlie in passing that I was an amazing swimmer. ??? WHO??? Was he for real??? We laughed together because we both thought it was really funny - being that I've only jumped into the pool four months ago!!! Certainly, it boosted my spirit and awakened me to my potential ability in the water.

Towards the latter part of the session, when only one other person was in the lane, we decided to try some flipping under water! Yay! I've always been afraid of being upside down (even on ground) because I grew up with glasses that would always fall off my face. Recently though, I've been enjoying life glasses-free. I attempted to push off the ground, tuck, and roll into a ball - but instead, as soon as I pushed off and tucked, my body quickly bounced up above the water like a bouy. =T Hummm... After a few tries, I managed to flip, but in several weird directions, I couldn't even explain. It was dizzying and I didn't know where I was! Is this what life with alcohol in your system is like? Note to self: Start breathing out once your face gets in the water. Next up, I tried hand stands underwater. Though not very straight, I managed to keep both hands on the pool floor. Yep, I ended up with chlorine water in my nose and down my throat. I also sounded funny talking to Carlie - but it was all in good fun!

It was absolutely euphoric to be able to play like a kid again!

Life is good. Even with the rain.

Run Joy, Run!

I began this year with a commitment to the Triathlon sport. About five months ago I got out of foot surgery and began to "run."

I put quotations besides the word run because running isn't just running. There's so much to it (for me at least). Whenever I run, it never feels right. I have to think about my shoulders being relaxed, my elbows driving the ground, my core tight, my steps light and quick, my knees high, my breathing consistent, my eyes looking 30 ft. forward, my ball-of-the-foot landing, my most efficient speed, my heart rate - should I keep going?

When I started, I began running at a sluggish 10 min. mile while complaining how much I hated it. I was always tense; it felt very uncomfortable. I had shin pain, calf soreness, stomach cramps, and burping problems. =T Now-a-days I have to say that my body has overcome these issues. Great! However, I've developed others. Now, I have toe blisters and I was told by Coach Matt that I run like a "boxer" with my wrists high by my face.

Today, we did tempo training in spurts. I learned that this is the way to train one to run faster! Build those triggering muscles! I'm so glad I bought my foot pod! It keeps me in check! My speed, my distance and my heart rate conveniently strapped on my left wrist.

After a good effort, I averaged 7.73 min miles during my .55 mile tempos with increasing speed during each interval. Apparently it is always important to increase speed/effort and not tire out too early. Though I'm not a "runner" (yet), I achieved this increasing effort today.

It was sweet and motivating to get a mention from Coach Laura and a comment from Marianne...Way to go Ms. Negative Split! =)

Better Me.

Once upon a time...in the Philippines, I was born. With flaws. We're all born with imperfections; I'm okay with that. But as we live, we quickly develop fears that hinder us. And as time passes we hope to become better. In life I want to strive to become
- a better sister
- a better daughter
- a better friend
- a better partner
- a better me!

Lululemon one of my all time favorite stores, has their shopping bag imprinted with many life statements. One of my favorite ones say to "do one thing a day that scares you." I really like this suggestion even though I'm scared of many things. To be realistic, I don't think I can do this daily, but it has certainly become my endeavor.

Sometimes we have to prove ourselves wrong. "I can't swim" can become "How can I swim faster?"

I will document my endeavors here as they come. I dedicate this blog to those who are seeking to be better for themselves and for others - just as I am.

Race Report - Triathlon #1 - Jersey Man

SATURDAY, 05.09.09 This is what I sought to do just 13 weeks ago. My first ever triathlon. What did I learn? NEVER forget your transition bag in the hotel!!! I awoke (or maybe I didn't) at 5 am - calm as a cat. Braided my own hair, put on my bright blue "first triathlon matching outfit", slobbed on sunblock, pumped my tires and headed for breakfast with the team. At 6 am I enjoyed some bananas, bagels with cream cheese, and a cup of coffee of course. Together we left for Spruce Run State Park. We parked and I grabbed what I thought was "my transition bag." Not until Tom pointed it out to me did I notice I left all my damn gear at the Hampton Inn 6 miles away! I immediately called the hotel and spoke to Mike who found my bag. They arranged for Chris (a random triathlete who was racing) to find me, Joy # 437 in blue. To think of it, I really should've taken his phone number. I missed the team warm up swim at 7:30 am and on my way to find the porter potty, I found Chris - my savior of the day! I gave him the only thing I had to give, which was a smile, a hug and a sincere thank you. After putting on my wetsuit and some of Carey's popular body glide, I met up with the group in the sandy beach. It was a gloomy day with expected rain, but by the time I got to the beach to warm up on my own, I noticed the sun peering through. "Why hello sun!" I remember thinking while I practiced my spin turns and backstrokes. My family and KC arrived just in time to watch and hear the exciting count downs of the different waves. When it was Coach Jenn's turn to start, our team counted to 3 and chanted to cheer her on! She was the only female racing in the elite division! She carries a lot of traits to be admired. Not only is she very focused, she knows what she loves and isn't afraid to go after it. Right before her jump into the water, she scooped up a struggling bat in the middle of the shore just so it can have a chance to survive.

There was a warm sense of togetherness being in this team - for most of us we were sharing a first time experience. Being with this team made it that much more comforting. It was our turn. I remember dancing to the music that was playing and then suddenly startled by the horn that prompted everyone to charge into the water. I took a few seconds to let the avid swimmers attack the water then I ran in and went after it myself. I needed to pace because I estimated 30 minutes to complete my half mile swim. At one point I started to doubt my estimated time because swimming with a large group of people and continous sighting was tougher than I thought. I went off track a few times because I didn't sight as often - lesson here is to consistently sight after 4 or 5 strokes! I went on my back twice for a few seconds during my swim, greeting the sun again to help calm me down. Throughout my swim, I breathed during every stroke, but as soon as the end was near, I pushed it to every 4 - 5 strokes. When I got up, a familiar face popped up right next to me! It was Marianela! There was a smile on her face. She looked happy the swim was over as did I. We laughed and clocked in at exactly the same swim time: 24:01 minutes. Nice job, 6 minutes faster than I calculated. Transition 1: Took me 4.41 minutes? That's almost 3 minutes more than I expected! What did I do wrong? I didn't run to transition, I carefully packed my wet suit away, I cleaned my feet. Don't do what I did. I rolled my bike out of transition and started my 19.5 mile bike ride. I better pay attention to the pointers and signs. I was afraid to lose focus and wander off to a different street. There were many cops and volunteers who guided the path and stopped traffic. The course was hilly (not quite what they had described). I encountered some major hills but was never once discouraged. I reminded myself many times to *grip the floor* - I must not be comfortably cruising in this race. People passed each other very politely. I averaged 14.9 mph on this ride and had a max speed of at least 35 mph going downhill feathering my brakes. I can't believe Emily sped through 45 mph! This girl is fearless! Though the ride was tougher than I had expected, finishing in an 1 hour and 18 minutes, I enjoyed it. It was challenging like it was supposed to be. I was glad I rolled safely back into transition - without a scratch. Transition 2 was much faster than Transition 1. I clocked in at 1.13 minutes though really...to change to my sneakers and grab my racebelt should really have only taken 45 seconds! Note to self - hurry the hell up next time! =) Now the run. I was surprised I didn't once mentally or physically complain like I usually do quietly during training. =) I just went for it - 3.1 miles. It was definitely my support team who came to cheer me that boosted my energy. I did not digest any GU as was suggested by Coach Laura. This certainly help me not get any stomach cramps - either that or the adrenaline rush. The water station aids really helped me hydrate since during the bike ride I hesitated to drink water. During the last mile I bumped into Lindsay, an athlete who I met that morning. She was nice enough to tell me that I ran too far passed the cone! Whew! Lost a couple of seconds there - but geez Joy! Why are you in La La Land? In the last couple of meters, I noticed a guy run passed me. With one swift breath he quickly said to me "Let's go!" So, I decided to push myself and follow his faster pace. Between trees and around the bend we went, until I saw that balloon that said "FINISH." I shook the sweat off myself and went for it. It took me 29 minutes at an average of 9.4 minute mile to finish 3.1 mles. When I crossed that finish line, I took a leap, I cried, I hugged my dad, my mom, and finally KC. I was so happy they were there to see me finish. It was an experience of a lifetime and I can officially call myself a triathlete!

I've been a chicken baby all my life and the day I signed up for Team Chapstick I had no idea what lay ahead. I started writing this daily blog, documenting the physical, the mental, and yes even the emotional experiences. This blog helped me remember and realize the person that I am. I've been a catalyst for change - inspiring others to learn to swim, to buy a bike and even to start training for a triathlon! Looking back, I have accomplished alot for myself but the journey certainly doesn't end. I have more races this year, and I'm here to only get better. After analyzing the race results, I noticed that every second of every minute counts towards that finish line. Same with life and the choices that one makes. That minute you decide to commit is the same minute your life changes. CHEERS TO THAT!

Congrats Team for your commitment and job well done!
And thank you Coaches for your sincere dedication and support!

Number One...

Who deserves to be placed on the pedestal as number one? Is it your spouse? Your parents? Maybe yourself???

Some of us were taught to place others before ourselves. But sometimes we are reminded that no one will care more about you than yourself. A previous cubicle buddy once advised me to "look out for number one." I had absolutely no idea what he meant as I gave him a curious stare. "Joy, number one is yourself" he said abruptly. I questioned him, is it really? I've never thought of associating a number with myself or with others. Since then, he never forgot to remind me of this phrase every evening before he left the office.

This question came about today. Who is my number one? I can't seem to put a number to people, not even myself. Can a set of people be my number one? It's like saying if you could save only one person, who would you save? Your child or your spouse? You love them both and care for them dearly, but to answer that question just doesn't seem kosher (hummm...I wonder where the Jewish-ness came from). Do you have a number one?

The Greener Grass..

This entry was inspired by two separate friends I've conversed with this past month.

One friend of mine recently wrote me his concerns about developing feelings for another - prior to and while being in a committed relationship. He asked if these feelings were okay and asked for advice if one were to face that situation.

This is what I said:

I think that people have tendancies to encounter feelings for another from time to time (even when in a committed relationship). Therefore, I can say "it's okay" because it's human nature. Physical and emotional attraction is natural and, for the most part is out of one's control. I underlined for the most part because I think the mind is a very powerful tool. It tends to find what it's looking for (so it can be within your control).

A person in that position should sit back - see the bigger picture - and reassess the commitment in the relationship. Sometimes the physical and emotional attraction is such a small piece of the bigger picture. While an attraction can be temporary, a lifetime commitment such as marriage is not.

My other friend, similar to my previous friend was questioning her current situation. She said: "Joy, you don't strike me as this type, but I'm always thinking that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence." A couple of things came to mind:

- Take a peek. What makes their grass greener?
- The grass may appear greener, but is it really greener???

Unless there's an uncontrollable plague that is deteriorating your green, is it too difficult to beautify your own? I've seen it in the books, I've seen it happen. Try it. Make it a project. Plan it out. When you'll do it. How you'll do it. You may be surprised at how deep green your grass can get.

A Fine Line.

Kate Monster from Avenue Q sang it best:

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line between love...
And a waste of time.

Two Wrongs Can Make It Right...

When will two wrongs make it right?

One of the things that bothered me about my last relationship was the fact that I rarely got a timely response to my emails and voicemails. No matter what means of communication I used, I was continuously left hanging. In my current relationship, I was reminded by how I've left him hanging on his texts and emails. This was unintentional on my part but one night over dinner my dad suggested to "do the same to her." Leave her hanging, he implied. I was surprised that this was what my dad had in mind as we were taught not to provoke revenge.

Not only does "what goes around comes around" apply, but I'm also going to get a taste of my own medicine. Awakened by this fact I've tried harder to be more responsive without compromising the thought that goes into my responses. This is my story of when two wrongs have made me see the right. Now a days when I don't get a text back, I tend to get a bit antsy.

Not Just Another.

There are so many people in NYC and the people you meet in your lifetime is so unbelievably random.

It is a very small world out there; you will continue to meet people who are somehow related to your friends or are somehow interconnected with your family. Still, I look out into the crowded streets - the hustle and bustle that is NYC - and wonder how it is that people find their soulmates - their "one."

What makes this person different from another? How does he inspire me to be a better person than I am alone?

I understand it's not just about finding the right partner.
It's also about being the right partner.

I want to be special to you.
I don't want to be just another...

Investing in Relationship Corp.

Like with any investment decision, investors must first assess the risks involved. Not any different with investing in a relationship. What's the worst that can happen to me? I lose 20K on my GE stock? I "waste" XX years of my life with this guy?

Relatively speaking, I've never been a risky investor. I like predictable environments - but yes, I also like surprises. Only the good ones though. Doesn't everyone?

I should promise myself this - that if any of my investment decisions ever hit rock bottom (whether with money or with a relationship), I need to be able to walk away with peace. Meaning I could move on because I've tried my best to save it and I could continue living without it. I would hate to walk away crippled (losing my heart, mind, and soul) to an investment. At least I'm not blinded by this possibility because the ones who are will regret to have made that failed decision. I don't ever want to regret.

I also know I need to diversify and monitor my investments closely. We tend to pull out when our investment value disintegrates. From a relationship perspective, when morale is low, I'd like to think that I'd put more effort in. It's like killing hatred with love. As much as we would like our investment value and morale to stay high - we know that it fluctuates. It is concerning is that these investments aren't insured or guaranteed. And as I've mentioned before, I am still unsure about this marriage ordeal.

I can't predict the stock market. I can't predict people's actions. I can't even predict my own moves. Investing in the stock market or in a relationship isn't for everyone. I guess the simple advice I can give is never forget to believe in and invest in yourself.

Twenty Five Facts about me.

1 - KIM - When it comes to my dad there's always a structure. It includes alphabetizing newborns in the family. Ivy, Job, *Kim*. I was supposed to be a "Kim" but I'm happy I'm not! No offense to the Kim's out there; there just aren't any names more fitting than my own. Joy is a wonderful name I'm happy to live up to.


2 - PET PEEVE - It bothers me when we bounce in different directions while walking. You're up, while I'm down. I'm up, and you're down. You get the point. I like to be able to see eye to eye and converse without feeling like we're afloat on different boats. So when I say "bounce with me" you know what to do!


3 - BAD HABIT - I never finish my drinks, except my water. My mom hates it because it's a "waste." Yet somehow learned to always finish my food...and my sister's food (when she doesn't want it).


4 - DREAM JOB - I've always wanted to be an aerobics or yoga instructor and an Excel specialist. Can you imagine me as one? =)


5 - HATE - I hate milk and Arrogant Boys. Growing up, my mom forced us to drink a cup every morning. I tried super hard to make my milk taste better with chocolate syrup, sugar, cereal, etc. But nothing helped! One day I thought hard and came up with soy sauce because doesn't soy sauce make everything taste better? I was wrong. The odor wasn't bad, but as soon as I gulped it, I puked. From then on, I gave up trying and poured my milk down the kitchen sink everyday instead. I like milk in ice cream; I like half & half in my coffee, and sometimes heavy cream in my pasta, but I HATE MILK... Oh and...Arrogant Boys defined: Any boy who thinks they can get / deserve any girl they want - you know who you are!


6 - SCAR - When I was seven, I tried learning how to jump rope on our slippery marbled floor. After 3 fun jumps, I slipped and landed on my face! I thought I had a special scar hidden under my chin until I recently found another who has the same. 27+ years later, I can jump rope non-stop for over 30 minutes!


7 - SMILE - I've been asked many times what my favorite feature is on people and on myself. My answer has always been a smile. You see, you can workout your legs, arms, butt, whatever to make them look smokin', but once you stop taking care of them, (poof!) they're gone. But a smile is natural, low maintenance and effortless. Your smile is forever with you. Its a gesture that makes you feel good and makes others feel even better.


8 - DANCE - I secretly love to dance...in the shower. I hope you people do that too. Otherwise, that's kind of embarrassing for me to share. Just try not to picture it. =X

9 - LIST - I can't live without my list of list of lists! I've got a list of music to download, places to go, gifts to buy, people to see...I can go on forever! Some I wouldn't want to show you. The most gratifying one I currently have is a list of traits that I like from the people I know.

10 - MAD - My family knows it's rare to see me mad or angry. So when it does happen, everyone wants to know about it (who's involved, what triggered it, etc.). I was slapped in the face a few times by my parents. Though it was probably deserved, it hurt me deep deep inside. During dinner one night (long long ago), my lil sis got into a heated argument with my mom. This is the only time I remember ever being angry enough to stand up for someone. As my mom got up to smack May in the face, I quickly stood up and held her by her wrist. I cried while I yelled at my mom. I told her how much it hurt to be slapped in the face. We were all emotional and crying. Today I don't even remember what it was that started the argument.

11 – TALENT – I’m probably one of the more flexible person you know. That, and I’m still undefeated in plank. Sorry no re-challenges! =P

12 - DAD – My dad is one of the sweetest people I know. He’ll do anything to help you. And he'll do it as you wish. He’ll offer to sew your loose buttons, he’ll comb your hair, he’ll even do your personal shopping! From him I learned that sometimes you live to make others happy. And in return, you will feel happy.

13 - EVIL - One of the most evil things I’ve done is put stuff on my sibling’s toothbrushes. Whatever I could find in the bathroom (Clearasil, lotion, ointment, sprays, etc.). When I felt that they've done me wrong, I’d argue and run to the bathroom and take out the rest of my anger there. Then when I was baptized, I used this story as my confession to all. The whole congregation laughed. I never did it again.

14 - FEAR – I fear divorce and death because of it's unknown.

15 - LOST - Golden chocolate coins were popular in the Philippines during the Chinese holidays. One year during Full Moon festival I won a bag full of these golden coins. So many that they over-flowed out of my bag. I started eating them non-stop until I slept and started up again when I awoke. That afternoon, close to a hundred coins later, my whole thumb nail fell off as I peeled the top of the last golden coin I ate. Now, every time I see bags of golden coins in the supermarket I check my thumbnail to see if its still there.


16 - UNIQUE - think what makes me physically unique is that I have contact lenses implanted in both my eyes (and they glow and reflect light in certain angles). Also, no one notices, but I was born with only 3 bottom center teeth. Normal people have 4. And my dad has 5! =)


17 - ADDICTION- I could say I’ve been addicted to only a few things in my life: coffee, golden chocolate coins, Lululemon and Equinox.


18 - BEST AT – Between my sister and I, we both agree that I’m best at thinking up creative nicknames for things and gifts for people.

19 - REGRET – This was hard for me to think up. But if I were to look back, I regret not spending more time with certain people.

21 - MOM – She is the Ultimate Energizer Bunny Super Woman Power Mom. No matter how much stuff she has to do, she will get it done. And still eat healthy along the way. From my mom, I learned never to give up from what you’ve already aimed to do.

22 - SCARY - I'm scared of many things, including you probably!

23 - SIMPLE PLEASURES - I'm all about the simple pleasures in life. A smile here and a laughter there is super contagious - and is all I would like in life.


24 - EMBARRASSING - One windy afternoon in the Philippines, the umbrella which was covering me while I was peeing in the streets blew away. I was 7. Our neighbor who used to have a crush on me saw my butt. =X

25 – HONESTY - Amongst all the awards that I've received (in Mathematics, in Sciences, etc.), one will always stand out. In Grace Christian where I once went to school I found a wad of cash folded and sitting lonely by the canal. It was real thick and without counting I took it to the Principal’s office. As a result, I was bestowed an Honesty Award during our school ceremony that year. I'd like to think they made up that award just for me!

VeriSY'se Lens Implants - new eyes for Joy

I'm not going to sugar coat it, it was the freakiest thing I've done so far. At a price tag of $4,000 per eye, the Verisyse lens implant is no joke and only for those really serious about it.

As soon as I arrived at the surgery center, they stuck a bright neon sticker over my eye. To massage and soften the eye, a heavy rubber ball was placed over it. After a few minutes, the anesthesiologist knocked me up (I mean out! He knocked me OUT! ), and while I was asleep for 30 seconds, he injected liquid that numbed half my face.

I awoke seeing nothing but white light with my right eye. As they soaked my eye with sterilizing drops I heard the surgical instruments start to clink. "Super blade please." Dr. Pamel said with his deep and confident voice. They were ready.

--Warning: This section is not for those that have weak knees or are easily grossed out--

The freaky part begins. I felt that first slice, and I remember it vividly. Though it wasn't THAT painful, I slowly gripped the sides of my pants and I wasn't going to let go. All I saw was the bright light and the white blurry shadows of the instruments. Many more slices came after the first one.

It took some time to insert and position the lens. Suddenly, like a baby staple gun I heard four shots into my eye. I gasped and my mouth opened in shock (like this) =O

I felt like a ghost - pale white and lifeless but I knew it wasn't over. They had to close the incision. He carefully stitched the open layers in my eye. I was expecting only two short stitches (according to the booklet) but instead I had several (due to my severe astigmatism). Though it wasn’t painful, I didn’t like the feeling of my eye being tugged by the string. Eek! “We’re almost done” Dr. Pamel said.

I took a deep breath in and let out a super long exhale. “Haaaaaaaa…..It’s over now, Joy” I remembered thinking. THEN,..cRaCLe, ZAP, cRacLe, pop! He freaking electrocuted my eye!!! I screamed. I was horrified like watching a scary movie, but actually living it. Dr. Pamel was silent. I knew this episode wasn’t going to happen just once so I asked “How many” then, cRaCLe, pop, cRacLe, zAp, bUrst! AGAIN! “Aaaahh!” I was so scared I was ready to cry. Then Dr. Pamel said what I’ve been longing to hear “Only twice. That’s it. We’re done. “ He cauterized my eye. It's an electric current for curative purposes. That was the most “painful” part of the surgery. I remember thinking how the hell I was supposed to get through the second eye surgery. But two weeks later, I did.

The hard part is OVER NOW. Whew!

For a person who has always stood strong, this was the one thing that scared me (the possibility of losing my vision). The night before my second eye surgery tears unexpectedly rolled down my cheeks but I was glad to have KC right next to me. He reassured me that everything will be okay and was with me every step of the way...

Right now, I'm holding off on any recommendations on the procedure because I'm not able to see 20/20 yet (soon though!). My prescription used to be a - 1,000 without glasses. And to give you an idea of how blind I was prior to the surgery, I don't ever (in my life) remember being able to make out the jumongous E that sits at the very top of the eye charts. You'll be even more surprised to know that I was not even able to read the "Got Milk?" billboards that used to be displayed along side the highways!

The surgery took about 30 minutes per eye. Today, after three weeks I went to cut my stitches to help reduce the inflamation. Immediately, I was able to see 3 more lines down the chart! Amazing! =)

I'm not going to sugar coat it, it was the freakiest thing I've done in my life, but...

To be able to see while I shower and not have to search and feel for my glasses with my hands
To be able to identify a mugger or rapist (if I ever were to be so unfortunate)
To be clear from raindrops, snow flakes and fog on my glasses and...
To be able to see my surroundings as soon as I open my eyes every morning

is a wonderful gift.

Great rewards involve great risks. If I braved through it and I'm sure you can too...

My Two Thousand and Eight

2008 was a year of many.

I experienced many of my firsts in 2008.
- I broke up with my first and only boyfriend
- I signed up to my first gym membership ever at Equinox (one of the best decisions in my life)
- I received my first bunch of flowers in the office (which were a dozen sweet pink roses)
- I was rushed into an ambulette because of a numb sensation on my whole right side
- I went to my first set of wild bachelorette parites and blind dates
- I went to Chicago as my first vacation alone with friends
- I bought my first bedroom toy but only used it once
- I ziplined through trees strung 50 feet up in the air (with a group of absolutely amazing people)
- I wrote my very first blog on love and relationship
- I was able to do 139 squats in 4 minutes
- I manuevered a speed boat going 60 mph and was also pulled on a banana boat going 60 mph
- I purchased my first road bike - my very own blue Specialized Roubaix Expert Triple
- I underwent my first surgery (on my feet) and received special treatment for being disabled
- I was drawn as a caricature

2008 was full of planned endings and exciting new beginnings. It brought back my passion for dancing. It allowed me to reconnect with good old friends. Even without a list of things to do for 2008, I did a whole lot!

Looking into 2009, there are many more things I want to do. To start my list,
I will be making healthier food choices
I will love more and eat less
I will learn to be funnier
I will document life